an actor's life for me?

71,539 notes

1. There will be several days that you daydream about stepping in front of a city bus. Don’t. It will not be beautiful. It will not be brave. It will be selfish. It will be broken. Your mother will cry.

2. Don’t write for him. Write for you. Write for others like you. Write so the girl that thinks about stepping in front of public transportation doesn’t. Don’t be selfish.

3. When you will yourself to sleep and it doesn’t come- get up. It doesn’t matter that it’s 3 am. There will be other 3 am’s. Take a shower. Take two. Wash him out of your hair. Write a poem. Read the same book you’ve read 202 times again. The 203rd time might tell you something different. Don’t stay in bed- you will think about the bus again.

4. Don’t kiss him because he’s broken. Don’t kiss him because his laughter never reaches his eyes. Don’t try and fix him. Fix yourself first. Be selfish. He can’t save you.

5. Date yourself. Take yourself out to eat. Don’t share your popcorn at the movies with anyone. Stroll around an art museum alone. Fall in love with canvases. Fall in love with yourself.

6. Dress up and wear red lipstick and get drunk with your friends. They’re the ones that will pick you up. Don’t kiss him. Or him. Don’t fall asleep on strange couches with strange boys. When his hand slides up your dress walk away. Hit him. Don’t kiss him. He can’t save you.

7. Get another tattoo. Get five more. Get another hole in your ear. Don’t listen to your dad. You will still be able to get a job. Did you really want to be employed by someone like your father? Haven’t you had enough of judgmental old white men anyway? Get fuck you tattooed in tiny letters on your hip.

8. When you feel the yearning for a new city- start over. Take 200 bucks and a three suitcases. Work anywhere that will have you. Meet strange people and forget your name. Call yourself Ruby. No one will know the difference. Remember to call your mother. Don’t be selfish. Come home when you find yourself in the strangers and the small one bedroom apartment.

9. Don’t whisper evil things into your own ear. Other people are going to shout them at you. Be your own hero. Keep a sword on your key ring.

10. Don’t step in front of a city bus. It will not be beautiful. Live. Stay up all night with a boy that promises you everything and means it. Live. See shitty local bands with a friend. Wear a different band’s t-shirt. No one will care. Live. Have a baby girl with tiny fingers and tiny toes someday. Pour love into her until it’s overflowing. Live. Wake up. Staying in bed all day is not poetic.

Live. Live.

Live.

Do you hear that? It’s me. It’s your life. Wake up.

15,186 notes

a bouquet of clumsy words: you know that place between sleep and awake where you’re still dreaming but it’s slowly slipping? i wish we could feel like that more often. i also wish i could click my fingers three times and be transported to anywhere i like. i wish that people didn’t always say ‘just wondering’ when you both know there was a real reason behind them asking. and i wish i could get lost in the stars.

listen, there’s a hell of a good universe next door, let’s go

24,996 notes

Sweetheart I’ve been frightfully busy but you know I have thought of you every minute.

54 notes

I’m trying to come up with normal things to text you so I can keep texting you without making it seem like I’m, you know, texting you, even though your name pops up on my phone and my heart leaps straight into my throat like a leaping salmon. It’s not like you ever have anything groundbreaking to tell me but I still feel like it’s the Queen asking me to tea when I open your messages.

I’ve already dreamt about you twice and I never remember my dreams so I know this must be something truly special, yes I know how crazy that sounds. Doesn’t make me want to pop an Ambien and go to bed early any less, though.

A minute ago I was wrapped tight in your arms and couldn’t believe my good fortune and now I’m awake and you’re not there, and not only that the bed we were in a minute ago was a different color than my actual bed, that’s how unreal. But a minute ago you were there, and real, and even if it’s all in my head that minute still makes me want to sleep forever.

Isn’t that where we experience things anyway, in our heads? Think about it. This whole crazy world is the proverbial vat and we’re just the brains floating around in it in our ridiculous skin suits.

All the criteria I need met, have needed met, out the window, I don’t care. I don’t care. I just want you and I don’t care if you fit neatly into my life like a perfectly proportioned end table. I don’t care if you’ve got a habit of chain-smoking the cigarettes that give me a headache, don’t even care if you can properly structure a sentence. There’s something about you that dismantles everything I thought I knew about attraction and admittedly part of the reason I’m in love with you and I hate it is because you are an enormous non sequitur.

And nothing in these words reads like love but it’s not lust or like or any other word that’s not love either, there’s no other word for how I feel, no word for when I’m around you unnerved and resplendent in the heart of light and silent, and I don’t want to choose another word because it wouldn’t be the first time my language has failed.

I just want to be in your arms again so I think I’ll go back to sleep.

31,170 notes

Your 20’s are your ‘selfish’ years. It’s a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and all the aspects of you. Tinker with shit, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little, and never touch the ground.